The Promise of the Future

Beneath the starry sky, embraced by the cold winds, guarded by the window, engulfed in the darkness, saved by the moonlight – the setting of an extraordinary romantic date.  Yet I am all alone, without a partner. I closed my eyes, trying to imagine someone would light the candles I had set on the table that I had also imagined. In reality, I am all alone in my bed, protected only by the blanket I have used since the night I first saw him. In a span of a few minutes, I gained hope, that all of the things that was also created by my desire, would one day come into reality.

What started as a joke turned to be a haunting sweet dream.  Each day passed as I said his name, along with pretty little teases my best friends do to me. I made fun of little details about him, about his name, and how I could play anagrams with it. My best friends made fun about his first name so much, but due to some unidentified reason, I always get pissed off whenever they do that. It became an everyday routine, no one knew why. It just seemed ordinary that we talk about him every day, and I was always the one who started it. Until one night, it was not a laughable joke anymore.

I closed my eyes that night, hoping for a good night’s sleep. I prayed that God would tell me what I was really feeling towards him that time. I hated confusion so much; for I was a person that acted I knew everything. And so after I talked to God, I went into deep sleep. The next morning, I woke up in cold sweat. The only words I could spurt out were, “What the hell…”

I remembered every detail of the dream I just had. Normally, a person would only have a few recollections of dreams they had, usually fragments in very bad order. But the one I just had that night, were like a chapter of a novel – very clear, orderly and absolute. Not even a little piece was blurry, and I was very sure of it. His face was so clear, his smile was so visible, and his emotions were so lucid. He was smiling, not to anyone else, but me. Why was that so? Could it be that I just thought of him so much that it became an infatuation. Erase, erase. I do not seek for that.

The next night was also an extraordinary night. Another chapter was unveiled. Like what happened the past night, everything was clear. What was most surprising was that it seemed to have a connection with the first dream I had. They were linked – like chapters one and two of a novel. It made me so uneasy, that I had to talk to my two best friends about it. They were both in awe, and for some reason, the other one congratulated me. What she said was, “It may be your future…”

The succeeding nights were also the same, two more chapters were added. Again, my best friends told me that my soul and his were indeed linked with each other. The first chapter was the meeting, the second was our first day out together, the third was in a ball game, and the fourth was a visit to him. Whenever I try to remember everything, I always ended up wondering how it would end. Since then, I realized, I have come to look forward to sleeping every night, in hopes that another chapter would be added. I believed they were God’s answer to my question, for a simple infatuation could never paint a picture as clear as reality, for infatuation can only bring nothing but undefined feelings. Now I was so sure that I wasn’t just obsessed. It was something else, and my dreams made me realize.

After a few months, everything was on hiatus. I was not able to see him anymore, at the same time, my dreams were no more. Again, confusion struck me. True love will never be like a little white candle, in which a single blow can make its flame disappear. True love is undaunted my anything, be it time or space. It was a shame, because the novel my dreams had created was already in its climax, and I asked why it had to end in there. Could my dreams be telling me that I would give up in the middle? Just like how the final pages of my novel were torn apart? Isn’t there any way to finish it?

Days passed, but still no chapter five. Just like how the dreams stopped coming, I started to talk less about him. I moved on with my life, but I told myself that I would never forget the unfinished novel we have created. The novel that never made failed to make me cry, the novel that never failed to make me smile. Though it has not finished yet, I have decided to give it a conclusion, which is, giving up. I wondered so many times whether I gave the right ending, whether it would make the novel better, or if I should have made the heroine, which was me, stronger. Then it came to me that maybe, there is no definite conclusion yet, or maybe, it was not yet the time to do so. Then one night…

I had another dream. It was finally chapter five, which showed me, that I was attending the same class as him. It was what I really wanted in reality, to do the same activities as him, sit on the same table as him, to listen to same lectures with him. But something was off. This time, he was smiling, not at me, but to her. Is this what I had expected for so many weeks? A failure?  Is  this how it was going to end? There was a change of heart in me. I thought, I should have never expected to dream again, and now, this novel made my chest hurt so much.

Just as I decided to throw everything away, another chapter appeared. This time, I was leaning my head on his shoulders. Why was that? I thought he had already smiled for another? Were my dreams toying with my emotions? Or was it telling me something else? Then the answer struck me like a wave, it was my future, which depended on my present self.

Patience. It was what I had to possess now. Reward, it was the promise of the future. Just like how I waited each night for the chapters of my dream, I have to wait for his soul to reach me, and he was to wait for my hand to touch him. The dreams I had, that was what the future had promised me. But that promise was something I have to hold on to, in return. I should continue believing, for as long as I did, more dreams will come, the more dreams, the longer my novel, the possibility of reaching him will grow higher.

I  am still waiting for the promise of the future to be fulfilled. I want to see that starry night into reality. And maybe, the future starry night, imagination will be non-existent. Someone will definitely light the candles for me.

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