Hanging By a Tightrope, I Found Them…[TVXQ Reflections]




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The whole of the opposition can condemn them; tell hog lies such as them being greedy, money-minded individuals, a family with a weak bond, fragile, conflicted….they can tell every word they could possibly dig up from their cursed soil. But these boys will never give up, for hanging by a tightrope, even if littered by barbed wires, will be nothing but a simple game about to end. And I FOUND them like that. And I didn’t cry, did not pity, was not angered…I even smiled. I did not feel any sorrow. It was a BLESSING…

The dark ages of the eastern gods: filled with silence, lies, untold truths, regrets, cries of agony and plea for their return. Nobody could fully behold what is to come- just a bunch mere speculation, which we all know is biased. Their fans try to lighten things up for one another: telling statements such as “Their fame is different, it’s a long lasting shine”, and everyone starts to smile. Many others would admire their strength to keep on waiting, but some would find it foolish. Others would be pessimistic and give up in the end, while some would summon all the optimism to keep on believing.

Yes, we are indeed hanging by a cliff, not sure if the eastern gods would be able to lend their hands and save us. But isn’t it amazing, how we could survive long enough, knowing that, and admitting to the fact that the future is unclear? Some would sarcastically ask, “What is in them that keeps you believing?”. We can answer with numerous good stuff we know about them, or even the number of their awards. We can tell them stuff such as, “They’re down to earth”, “They make good music” or even, “They worked hard for what they are right now”.  There are so many wonderful things we could use as a reason.

But what is the true answer? Nobody could present the absolute truth…

If you would ask me, I will tell you one thing: “Finding THEM is a TURNING POINT IN MY LIFE”. If you find this foolish, go ahead and think whatever you like. If you are someone unsure and want to find an answer for yourself, or generous enough to know why I said such statement, feel free to read on.

I would not be able to fully tell you my story, but only bits. When I first heard about the eastern gods, I was ethnocentric. I was more on Japanese Pop that time, and even if my sister-like best friend injected me with their music and funny stories about them, my mid was locked up. I refused to open up, no matter how hard they knocked. I even tried to reverse the effect, instead of submitting to the knock, I tried my earnest convert my best friend to my beliefs.

Everything else backfired towards my way, and that was why, finally, I felt the urge to see for myself what THEY were all about, aside from their faces. And I did not turn to the wrong path, thankfully, I travelled the right route.

It was my 18th birthday, and very much to my dismay, nothing special was happening. I got to have stuff I really wanted, my mobile phone vibrated many times with messages and greetings, and my mom was lending me her time, though she actually needed to go to work or resting. But there was no sign of that special gift.

I was on those memorable escalators, walking on a bridge that seemed so long, legs tired of looking for sights. A music store caught my attention, for it had a big tarpaulin poster beside its glass walls: a familiar group but I could not remember. Yes, I knew it was this band that my sister-like best friend often told me about. What was it significance? Yes, I do not understand. But now I know why, I didn’t see them on my very special day for no reason. It was FATE.

The next days passed like a bullet train. Everything was so fast, and before I knew it, turned like eternity. It was like when my eyes closed and opened it again, a new world was there in front of me. The events chained up like a constellation, and I became more and more drawn to their universe. It wasn’t a black hole engulfing me, but rather a sweet light. Then my life turned in another direction.

My eyes opened up to a new culture, my mind opened to new people and my heart to new feelings…

It was the first time I ever wanted to know someone or rather some people so much even though before I FOUND them, I already liked someone I did not know personally, this urge was different. I felt like I could connect with them, at least, through their music. I loved music even before, but this music [their music] was something I could not understand, for at least when I preferred J-POP, I could understand a few Japanese. But seeming like magic, I could feel it. Then I realized, this was how living music to the fullest was like. And it was because of five men I have never even heard sing live, see the real faces or even know their language.

There is no such thing as “Language Barriers”, the heart’s desire could decode everything…

Then, I began searching for answers on why I did not find them earlier. Why now when they are by the tightrope?

Because I was not ready. Not strong enough yet. What could be the best time but now? If I had found them earlier, and became one of the first fans, the news of them having issues might have loosened my grip. After all, I was not born patient. But since they weren’t already performing together when I found them, I realized the word “FAITH” better. It was terribly amazing, how I could like people who I haven’t actually seen performing, only from old videos. And now, apart?

When the going gets TOUGH, the TOUGH gets going….And I am bound to be one of them, that was why I was shaped TOUGH  and found them during these TOUGH times…

For everything that happened, I found a new passion. In every simple thing that I do, in every single day that passes, in every words I utter- there’s always THEM. And now, I am one of those petite stars who fell for them, not to die, but to live forever, NEVER to disappear from the night sky, but to go to a humble place where I can look up to THEM.

A dream come true, a passion found, a love emerged, inspiration discovered, a special gift received, a turning point….A BLESSING- all of these in a package of tears, sorrow and uncertainty. But when I held this package in my hands, a rainbow appeared; a vibrant spectrum of different emotions that served like vitamins to my heart. I am so happy to have MET you, Dong Bang Shin Ki. I will lend you my arms, my hands, along with millions of others to NEVER let you fall. You have not changed my life… RATHER YOU HAVE BECOME A PART OF MY LIFE.



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