Back Two Basics, Back To Where I Truly Belong [A 10G: BACK TWO BASICS FANACCOUNT/DIARY ENTRY]

 

nbsp;    I’ve always believed that the best gatherings would be the ones that can truly touch the fans’ hearts. Call me an elitist or what, I speak of the truth anyway: of course, innovation has always been what sets Cassiopeia Philippines (every Cassiopeia fanclub all over the world, actually) from others. But sometimes, it pays to travel back to the roots: where simple pleasures and happiness could actually be found.

  nbsp There is a reason why I consider CassPh’s “7G: Always Keep The Faith” as the best gathering I’ve attended so far…Aside from the fact that it was actually a perfect time to hold a gathering, considering Cassiopeia received a fatal blow with the announcement of the suspension of TVXQ’s activies as 5. Aside from the fact that it was my first gathering and aside from the fact that it was my first time watching Tohoshinki’s 4th Live Tour: Final in Tokyo Dome. It was more of the fact that I really had felt some emtions I’ve never felt before: I felt connected to everyone; I felt like I was really a part of the Red Ocean Cassiopeia has always been so proud of. Waving lightsticks with everyone, as if we were really there, a few meters away from the five men themselves – it was those kinds of feelings that only gatherings like 7G could provide.

nbsp;   So when it was finally decided that the 10th Gathering was going to be a screening of Yunho and Changmin’s TONE Tour, I couldn’t help but say “YES!” inside of me. Of course, the 10th Gathering should have been more epic than the 9th one (which was, of course, everyone would agree, possibly be the grandest in terms of concept so far), but deep inside I knew that concert screenings would do the job just as well. Because it is with these kinds of gatherings that all types of emotions could really be brought out. As for me: sorrow, frustration, excitement, happiness, longingness and pride.

nbsp;   And yeah, a mixture of emotions really did come out from me, and I know from everyone else as well. During the start of the screening, I was screaming my lungs out and my eyes were about to pop out from my skull as a larger-than-life Yunho and Changmin started “dum dum dum”-ing in front of me. I think I waved my lightstick like a madwoman and I can actually feel my shoulders hurting right now as I type these. More songs followed and when “Toki wo Tomete” played…

nbsp;   So maybe, I wasn’t really sure if my heart would actually be able to handle all of the performances from TONE Live Tour. After all, I knew there were gonna be some OT5 songs and there was just the two of them to sing. I didn’t hate that fact; rather, I wasn’t so sure if I would be able to watch without crying. But what am I saying, of course I was gonna cry. And I can proudly say I was a crying mess. And it felt really good, because deep in my heart, I’m grateful I’m still hurting. Because it meant that I’m still waiting.

nbsp;   The next performances were… what can I say… worthy of a million nosebleeds. Need I say why? I’m just giving out four words: BUNNY, UMBRELLA, NAIL, WHY. For the rest of the concert I actually forgot who my bias really was. I had to even say my apologies to Jaejoong upon reaching home.

nbsp;   The performances that actually made my heart jump were the ones towards the end. So my crying marathon started from Rising Sun. I got too overwhelmed by how amazing the Yunho and Changmin pulled it off without Jaejoong, Yoochun and Junsu. I really thought I’d feel bitterness (of course there was still some, but only a little, I was really too amazed to even go emoshinki); I did shed tears, but it was out of feeling proud. All I did throughout the whole Rising Sun performance was sniff, sob, smile, shout and say, “My boys… my boys!”

nbsp;   Then came SHINE, STILL, WEEP and boy did I weep with Yunho. It wasn’t really that easy to see Yunho tearing up, after all, he was always too hard on himself. No matter how much burden he actually felt, he’d never show a sign of breaking down. It did not also help me fight back my tears when the Red Ocean turned from red to white: both on the screen and the ones behind and physically with me. My hands were shaking so much that I wasn’t even able to change mine to white so I could join. But you know what, the tears I shed were not out of sorrow or pain – they were tears of happiness. And tears of hope. Because finally, Yunho let go of himself. Because I get to see his heart right that moment and because maybe, just maybe, he shed tears because there was something in that dome that reminded him of something. With that said, I don’t care if people say I’m delusional. I am an OT5 and I’ll believe in the friendship of 5.

nbsp;   As the last song played, thoughts were whirling inside my head: thoughts of how my heart was so swelled up with joy on how amazing Yunho and Changmin was despite all the circumstances; the great improvement of the two in regards to some areas; the non-existent flaws and thoughts of feeling that familiar feeling I have been longing for these past few months: the feeling of being having that Pearl Red blood boil again. It was that particular feeling where you can shout that “YAH! I’M A CASSIOPEIA! FAN OF THE GREATEST GROUP THE UNIVERSE HAS EVER AND WILL EVER SEE!” without any hesitation. And really, if I could have – I would have stopped time. Because the Red Ocean is where I would like to stay – and where I truly felt home.

nbsp;   Going back to the basics isn’t really so bad at all, isn’t it? Now I hope I’m not the only one feeling that way. Because really, there is always something with the word “back” – it means to me that there is always something for you to look back to, something waiting for you no matter how far you’ve gone to. And no matter how far I’ve gone, I will never hesitate to go back – to home, of course. To the Red Ocean where I truly belong with everyone else who holds their faith for the five in their hearts

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