The warm water trickled down my skin; each droplet a realization.
I had a hard time today. I struggled so much, waited painfully just for the day to end – so that I can take a warm shower. The moment I actually entered the gate, I rushed towards the bathroom…
But it wasn’t because I was so excited to take that warm shower. I threw up.
I threw up all my disgust – all my loathing for myself today. I threw up all the bile I’ve been holding back since morning. All the foul words for myself I forced to digest since the day started.
And then, I took a warm shower, finally. I cleansed myself of all the dirt, the filth, the sweat, the blood. I cleansed my thoughts of giving up. I’ve known defeats worse than this. I knew better than to be defeated, and to become a loser.
I’ve won countless battles before; so now it’s my turn to lose. No, I’ve lost once before. A lose so bad that all the previous trophies meant nothing more than dirt. I knew better than to become dirt once again.
Yes, there is no space for weakness. There is no time to waste. I’ve wasted enough time. Time is not eternal, time is running out. Time is limited, and my time will be up once I put the pen down once again. There will be no more pens to put down in the future, no more papers to write on and crumple. No more stories to write, if I lose
I’m done with my shower. I will start again.